


La Vergogna

by xXxdanknoscoperxXx



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:51:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6442306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxdanknoscoperxXx/pseuds/xXxdanknoscoperxXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's strange how the worst days can start out as some of the most mundane.</p><p>After a seemingly normal day results in an extremely traumatic experience, Lovino isn't sure he'll ever be able to bounce back.</p><p>Rating might change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had started off as a perfectly ordinary day.

Lovino could remember it now: waking up to his brother’s cheerful voice (“Good morning, brother! Rise and shine! Rise and shine!), opening his eyes carefully as sunlight flooded his vision, and being met by Feliciano’s bright, smiling face. It was the same start to the day he’s had since he-doesn’t-even-remember-when.

He’d grumbled angrily, turning over onto his side, making sure that his back faced the open window, giving his eyes some much-needed relief from the bright light.

“Come on, brother!” Feli insisted, prodding his arm firmly. “You can’t sleep in all day.”

Lovino grumbled once more in response, barely forming the words, “I can and I will.”

He went limp as he felt Feliciano grab hold of his hands and pull him up into a sitting position, continuing 

his discontented grumbling all the while (“Can’t I just sleep another five minutes? Do you really have to be so annoying, brother…”). 

Feliciano’s voice took on a pleading tone as he struggled to hold his brother up. “Lovino, you promised you’d help me today. Don’t you remember Antonio is coming over?”

He would have fallen back onto the bed if Feliciano hadn’t retained a firm grip on his wrists. Instead he simply settled for mumbling a tired, “Who cares?” as he let his head loll forward, limp as the rest of him. 

It wasn’t every day Antonio would come to visit, and, with him being a faithful friend, those visits would always be treated as an important event. Lovino, however, despite being raised by the man, could not say that his presence was entirely welcome. He wasn’t looking forward to the cheek-pinching and the over-use of diminutives, nor Antonio’s constant and overbearing concern over his well-being despite the fact that Lovino was a grown man now and could very well take care of himself.

“Lovino,” Feliciano chided. “Please just get up… You’re really heavy…”

“Fine,” Lovino sighed, lifting his head and opening his eyes slowly as he began to sit up on his own. As soon as Feliciano had let go, Lovi let out a wide yawn and stretched his arms and back. “What time is it anyway?”

“It’s nearly noon,” 

“I slept for that long?”

Feliciano nodded. “It’s alright. I would have slept even longer than you if I hadn’t remembered.”

Lovino let out another yawn as he set his feet on the floor and began to stand up.

“Uhm, Lovi,” said Feliciano as he began to leave the room.

“What?” Lovino had already made his way to the dresser and was picking out something he could change into for the day.

“I’m going to make the food after I’m done cleaning, so I was hoping you could go to the market and get some things for me.”

Lovino shrugged into his shirt as he mumbled, “Alright.”

“OK!” Feli called out cheerfully as he left the room, leaving his brother to finish getting dressed.

Standing there by himself, Lovino was able to zone out to the faint pattering of footsteps. A sense of anxiety, which he had been too tired to feel prior, suddenly swept over him at the thought of today's guest. He almost considered running off to one of the local cafes and spending the day there, but realized it would only make Feli look bad, and make for an extremely awkward evening. As much as he hated being near Antonio, he hated the thought of disappointing his brother more.

Lovino had just finished buttoning his pants up when Feliciano re-entered the room with a sheet of paper. Without even looking up at his brother, Feliciano began to recite the ingredients listed so quickly the words seemed to meld together. Lovino was barely listening, knowing that he would be able to read what was needed as soon as he was handed the paper, but had caught several words in his half-paying-attention state, including “tomatoes”, “tomatoes”, “more tomatoes”, and “I need a lot of tomatoes, Lovi”.

He ended with a shy smile and, “He should be here around five or so, so please be back here before long” before handing over the shopping list. 

Lovino nodded and took it wordlessly.

He exited the small but cozy house as Feliciano returned to his cleaning and gentle humming. The sun shone brilliantly in the sky, warming Lovino's skin pleasantly. He could hear the soft warbling of birds in the distance, and thought he should really make an effort to wake up earlier and see the sun rising on such a nice day, of feeling the earth gradually warm and the city with all the things in it slowly waking up to a fresh start.

Then, shutting the door behind him, he made his way down the street toward the local marketplace, scanning over each item on the list and marveling at the fact that his brother could have such awful handwriting.

It had all started off so well before it went straight downhill.


	2. Chapter 2

The market was still bustling with people by the time Lovino made his way there. During his twenty minute walk he was able to clear his head some and calm some of his anxiety over Antonio's visit. So what if the man was coming over? It wasn't like he wouldn't leave after the day was done, and all Lovino would have to do would be to endure his irritating mannerisms and enjoy Feliciano's delicious cooking. It wasn't all bad after all.

By the time he'd made it there, Lovino had been able to decipher most of his brother's handwriting (even after all those years of knowing him, it had never gotten any easier), and found that Feliciano had indeed wanted many tomatoes, along with nearly absurd amounts of other foods. He did not question it, however, and instead gathered up all that was requested of him, though it took him the better part of an hour to do so.

When taking his mind off things and instead focusing on fulfilling his brother's requests, Lovino was able to settle any remaining anxiety that rested at the pit of his stomach, and, with multiple bags filled with produce in hand, he was able to begin his walk home, satisfied that he had obtained everything asked.

It was quite warm that afternoon, the sun slightly less pleasant on his skin than before on account of the added weight he carried. It did not bother him much at first but he quickly picked up the pace as he wished to be home sooner rather than later, so he would be able to free himself of the bags' burden. He let out a sigh as he realized just how much farther he had to go: the house was still quite a ways off.

“Damn Feli!” he grumbled as he readjusted the bags in one hand, “Is he trying to feed three people or an army?” Though he complained, Lovino wasn't used to anything different: his brother had always either over or under-prepared for any occasion. It seemed visits from Antonio were a cause for the former rather than the latter.

Through all his grumbling and groaning, Lovino hardly noticed the footsteps approaching from behind him as he approached the entrance to a nearby alleyway, completely oblivious of what was about to transpire.

It happened as he readjusted one of the bags in his hand a third time, fearful that the bottom would rip open at any moment though he'd been sure to double bag it just in case. The footsteps came closer and closer, and it seemed to him that whoever was walking would soon catch up to and pass him, though he paid them no mind.

He suddenly felt a knife against his back, sharp and ready to slice through his clothes and skin at any moment, as a hand reached up and gripped his arm tightly. Lovino felt his heart stop and his hands begin to tremble. What was happening? Was he being mugged? What was he supposed to do?

“Don't make a sound,” said the stranger in a low, gravelly voice, and Lovino dared not test him. He considered just telling the man where he kept his wallet, but a lump in his throat prevented the words from coming out.

He nearly jumped as the man behind him poked at him with the knife, urging him forward. The bags he had held so tightly now fell to the ground, their contents spilling out and scattering across the narrow sidewalk and street, and Lovino cursed himself for not having better control over his nerves.

The man cursed and Lovino could hear a brief squishing sound. Crap! He'd paid good money for those tomatoes for them to just be crushed like that.

“Dumbass. Do you want to die?” Lovino swallowed as he felt the knife poke into his back with renewed force. It scared him to think of how easily the man could kill him, how he could leave him here to bleed out onto the street and no one would know about it until it was hours too late.

“No,” he finally managed to choke out.

“Then move.” 

Lovino allowed himself to be led into the alleyway nearby, hating himself for not fighting back. What could he do? If he did try to fight the man off, it would be far more likely that he would end up dead. No, the best he could hope for would be that the man just take his wallet, maybe rough him up a little bit, and run.

Even when he was led around the corner and toward two more men, he only assumed that they would just beat him even worse, and bit his lip as he tried to steel himself for his undeserved punishment. He thought for a brief moment what he was going to tell Feli when he came home. His brother would probably drop everything and rush to him like a mama hen, eager to clean his wounds and dote on him despite being the younger. What a pain this would be to explain to him.

When the man behind him finally pulled his knife away, Lovino half-made to run right out of there and straight back home without a second thought for the things he'd bought, when he was suddenly grabbed by the men—he didn't know how many hands were on him in that instant—and forced to the ground before he could react.

His head smashed into the ground, making him see stars for a brief moment, before he was suddenly aware of hands grabbing at his pants, pulling them down.

Then he realized what they were going to do to him.

Lovino opened his mouth to scream as he began to buck and thrash and kick as hard as he could beneath the men. He barely let out a whimper before he was punched in the face and he felt once more the cold metal of the blade against his neck.

“Make another sound and we'll kill you right now.”

One man pulled Lovino's arms out and kneeled on them, still pressing the knife into his skin. One held his legs, and the other continued to strip him of his pants.

He still tried to fight after that, squirming and writhing and bucking as hard as he could, but none of it was any use. Eventually, he ran out of strength and will and couldn't fight back any more.

He could only cry

Like a child.

After what seemed like forever of pain and pain and pain and sobbing into the ground and being unable to stop himself from being so weak, of being pinned over and over and unable to move against them, they finally stopped, only to laugh and jeer and turn him over and kick him while he was down on the ground still distraught from the ordeal.

Then they fished his wallet out of his pants, pocketed the cash inside, and left him there.

Lovino could hardly even think for all the pain he was in.

For a time he simply lay there, his muscles seemingly unable to listen to him. All he could feel was a deep throbbing pain throughout his whole body, with an exceptionally searing hurt he-didn't-want-to-think-about-where.

What must have been hours came and went and Lovino was vaguely aware of the fact that he was needed somewhere. Home. He had to get back home.

With a grunt, he forced himself up into a sitting position, propping himself up on his elbows, and nearly collapsed again from putting weight on one of his wounds.

His pants. He needed his pants.

It took great effort for Lovino to finally be able to stand on two very shaky legs. He had to lean on a nearby wall for support, not trusting his lower-limbs to do much of it. He finally managed to make his way over to where his pants and underwear had been discarded, and found that putting them on took much more effort than it had this morning. Why was it so hard to do something so simple?

He leaned against the wall for a time and fought off a fresh wave of tears.

He had to get home.

Limping out from the darkness, he could see the produce he'd bought still lying on the ground where he'd dropped it, mostly undisturbed save for a few tomatoes that were squashed.

Then he remembered Feliciano. He couldn't disappoint Feli. Slowly he began to gather up all the produce that had rolled from out of the bags and carefully placed them back in, but found even such a menial task to be absolutely exhausting.

What time was it? He couldn't disappoint Feli. But the sun had already begun to set. He was too late to make it back in time anyway. He was too late. He was too late.

Feli would be disappointed.

He gathered up all he could, no matter how dirty or disgusting it had become from the elements as he tried to ignore the excruciating pain in his backside. It was such a stupid, embarrassing place to be hurt. Lovino fought off a wave of shame that came over him. If he thought too hard about it he would collapse on himself again like a child. Like a helpless child.

He couldn't do that. He had to get home.


	3. Chapter 3

Home. Home. He had to get home. 

Everything would be alright if he just made it back home.

The cool evening breeze blew past. Lovino shivered fiercely when the wind hit his skin and fought the urge to sniffle. If he gave in now the tears would come down one after another and he wouldn’t be able to stop them. The pain in his arms was agonizing as he struggled to not stop or falter, lest he be completely unable to get back up again. He had to think about that pain only and not let his mind wander to the other spots where it hurt almost too bad to think. Not like his head, or his legs, or his—

No! No, focus. Home. Home. Home. He had to get home. He couldn’t disappoint Feliciano. He couldn’t.

The sun had already set. It was dark out and he wished it wasn’t. Maybe if he squeezed his eyes shut hard enough time would slow down or turn back and he could make it home in time for Feli to not be mad at him, for Feli to make his food and Antonio to come over and annoy him and everything be just how it always was.

He could feel a tear creep its way down his cheek.

No, no. Don’t stop to wipe it. Don’t stop. Just keep moving forward. Remember, home. He had to get home. Maybe Feli would be mad at him, beyond mad. Maybe Antonio would be angry as well. But it could all work itself out back to normal if he just made it home.

Soon, the small house among all the other tiny homes all pressed together could be seen by the faint light of nearby windows, with its small basil and mint plants sitting serenely on the windowsill, their leaves rustling faintly with each passing breeze.

Home. Home. He was almost home. Just a little further and everything would be OK.

Dragging himself down the street the last few meters was perhaps the most difficult task he had ever had to perform in his life, at least it felt that way. He was all but grunting from the pain and his own frustration with himself for being so challenged by such a simple task.

But finally he stood at the door, his arms straining and his legs shaking and his head pounding and everything hurting. He could hear voices inside, as though two people were conversing. So Antonio was there after all. He really was late.

All he had to do now was knock on the door.

He set down one of his bags and reached the trembling free hand up. With the last bit of energy he could muster, he knocked weakly, once, twice, a third time.

Lovino heard the voices inside suddenly quiet, leaving only silence, as light footsteps rushed over and gently pulled the door open.

Feli’s voice came, angry and annoyed. “Lovi! Where have you b—“

Lovino could not bring himself to look up past his brother’s feet but he could tell that the expression on Feli’s face must have been pure worry.

He fought against himself as hard as he could to be able to raise his eyes up, but could not bring himself to look into Feli’s, instead settling his gaze on his mouth, which was turned into a worried frown. Lovino was right. His brother looked as worried as he’d ever seen him.

Lovino had to say something. He fought for a few moments to say “hello” but a huge lump in his throat only allowed for a sharp exhale. He settled for presenting the bags of produce to his brother instead, lifting them in front of himself as he finally forced out with a voice shakier than he’d intended, “Hello, F-Feli. I got wh-what…. what you…. a-asked for.” No. Feli would definitely know that something was wrong. Lovino just wanted to come inside, sit at the table, and have everything be just like every other day. 

He heard a gulp, and then, “Lovi… what hap--” Feliciano placed a gentle hand on Lovino's arm and he couldn't help but shudder violently at the touch. He brought his arms and his gaze back down, dropping the bags onto the front steps. He couldn't let Feli touch him. He'd disappointed him. He'd disappointed Feli.

“I'm sorry.” He said simply. He inhaled sharply, trying to hold back the wave of tears that fought its way through him. “I'm really… r-really… sorry...” He leaned against the door frame as he struggled to continue standing on his shaking legs, gasping and exhaling shakily like a dying fish as he struggled so hard to not let himself cry… He refused to be like a child. He would be stronger than how he was when… when those men… 

And then the tears came. First one rolled its way down his cheek. Then another. And another, and another, until soon his face was all wet with them and his upper lip drenched in snot. He really was just like a baby. 

He could vaguely hear Feli's voice in front of him but could not hear what he was saying. Antonio's voice joined in, thick with fear and concern, but his words too were completely incomprehensible through the overpowering throbbing in Lovino's head. Was he sobbing now? How utterly pathetic. He should be ashamed of himself, and he was. Deeply, deeply ashamed.

He was ashamed that he allowed himself to behave like such a child. He was ashamed that he had disappointed his brother. He was ashamed that he couldn't have made this a normal day like Feli wanted. He was ashamed that he had let something so disgusting happen to him, that he couldn't fight off those men from earlier, that he had let them violate him in the worst way possible and use him like a woman. He didn't even deserve to call himself a man any more. He couldn't.

Feliciano reached out to touch him once more, on the shoulder, and this time Lovino didn't flinch away from him. As the throbbing in his head died don but the tears still continued to come down, he was able to hear some of what the two men were saying to each other.

“--not sure what happened, but he looks like he got into some kind of scrape…,” said Feliciano.

“Need me to get some bandages?” asked Antonio.

“They're in the cabinet all the way on the left. I'll take him back to his room… Poor thing needs to lie down...”

Feliciano was always speaking about his older brother as if Lovino were his child and Feliciano a doting and over-concerned mother. At any other point, Lovino would have considered such attention annoying or even endearing to some extent, but now he just wished that everyone would leave him alone. He wished that he didn't come home like this.

Lovino allowed Feliciano to lead him back toward his own bedroom, Lovino leaning on Feli's shoulder for support, and tripping every few steps due to his legs' inability to hold him steady. He could not see very clearly in front of him for the way his eyes were blurred so much by his tears. Over on the other side of the room he could hear the sound of Antonio rummaging through their poorly-organized medicine cabinet.

Why? Why did things have to be like this?

When they finally managed to make it back to Lovino's bedroom, his legs were shaking even harder than they were before, and Feliciano was shushing him softly as he slowly lowered Lovino down to sit on his bed. Lovino grimaced and grunted in pain as his backside came in contact with the surface and his sore muscles were strained trying to sit down.

“Lie down, Lovi,” said Feliciano, and Lovino, not wanting to disappoint him again, did his best to fight through the pain and be able to lay himself down onto his covers. He felt hot tears slide down the sides of his face and wet the pillow beneath his head. 

“I will be right back, brother,” Feliciano reassured as he left the room.

Outside, Lovino could hear Feliciano and Antonio's conversation.

“I haven't seen him cry so hard since he was a child… Actually, I don't think I've ever seen him bawling like this,” said Antonio.

“I've never seen him like this either...” Feliciano replied, his voice wavering slightly.

A few moments passed before he added, “I'm really sorry, Antonio...”

“For what?” came the reply.

“For… today… I didn't know things would be like this.”

“There's no need to apologize,” Antonio reassured. “I'm glad I could be here to help. You two are like sons to me after all.”

A few more moments of rummaging around in the cabinets and Lovino watched as Antonio and Feliciano entered the room. Lovino's crying had died down into the occasional hiccup along with a streaming tear here and there.

“Oh, Lovi...” cooed Feliciano as he leaned down beside him and began to wipe the tears from his cheeks with a handkerchief.

Antonio reached his hand over and placed it onto Lovino's head, ruffling his hair slightly. Lovino flinched but Antonio did not remove his hand. Kneeling down by the bed, the man consoled, “It's alright, Lovi. Whatever happened, it's done now.”

As Feliciano began to apply antiseptic and adhesive bandages with the gentlest of touches onto the more obvious cuts and scrapes along Lovino's face and arms, Lovino wished that he could find some kind of comfort in Antonio's words.

Before long, even the hiccups died down into the occasional wet sniffle. Antonio left the room to bring in the produce left outside, and Feliciano sat by Lovino on the bed, looking down at him with an expression fully of concern. 

“Lovi… what happened?” he finally asked.

Lovino said nothing, only sniffled.

A long moment passed before Feliciano tried again. “OK, well… where were you?”

Lovino opened his mouth and began to speak but, finding his words came out cracked and incomprehensible, coughed several times before trying again.

“At the market,” he said simply.

“And then..?” Feliciano urged.

“And then I came home.” Lovino looked down at the blanket beside him, instead of up at Feliciano now.

Feliciano seemed less than satisfied with this response. “Something happened on the way back home?”

Lovino wanted to answer, but the lump in his throat had once again made itself present. How he hated that lump.

“… Lovi?”

“Some guys, they… they...”

They raped me.

He couldn't say it.

“They mugged me.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've read/watched anything APH-related so my knowledge of canon is extremely rusty.
> 
> I'll probably edit this as I go on.


End file.
